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Sermon |
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Part 10: Trust |
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November 16, 2003By Rev. Dr. G. Penny Nixon I want to talk tonight about Radical Trust in Beloved Community and what that might mean. Radical Trust. When I think about trust or faith I often think of this story, which some of you may have heard, but I think it exemplifies the heart of trust and faith. It's the story of the person who was walking and fell off a precipice, and as he tumbled down, he grabbed the proverbial branch that stuck out of the cliff side. As he is hanging onto it for dear life, he begins to cry out, “Help, help! Is anybody up there? Help, help! Somebody help me!” This goes on for awhile and finally a voice says, “I’m here.” And the man on the branch says, “Is that You God?” “Yes, it’s Me.” “Will you help me?” “Yes, I will,” God says, “Just let go.” The man hanging there looks down. “Is anybody else up there?” (You’re laughing because you said the same thing yourself.) I was praying but I didn’t want that answer. Sometimes I look at trust as a profound letting go and yet I also know it’s one of the most difficult things to do. I don’t know how many of you have ever tried water-skiing before, but when you’re water-skiing and you go along and then you fall, your instinct is to hang on tightly to the rope. (This is why this side of my face is different than this side of my face.) You just hang on when you know somehow that the best thing is to finally let go. And sometimes in life I hang on to that rope and just continue to do this (gestures, gripping tight…) when I could actually let go. Radical Trust. Taking our roots deeply into trusting God so that we might trust others and trust ourselves because you can’t really tease apart the three, what it means to trust God, what it means to trust one another, and perhaps what it means to trust yourself. Those of you that have been here a long time have often heard me give disclaimers when I give sermons. I might say something like, “I want you to understand that I'm preaching this to myself first” for I do make it a principle to preach every sermon to myself first. Sometimes I give disclaimers and say, “Stay with me to the very end of this.” Sometimes I say, “I’m going to say some outrageous things, so just hang on.” But today I want to say something a bit different and that is that I don’t have the answers around radical trust, for if there’s one thing in my own life that has been a source of constant struggle and a source of reflection and a source of challenge, it’s the issue of trust. Not trusting God—for some reason I’ve been incredibly graced since a young age in having almost an inexplicable faith in a God who loves me. But I’ve had a terrible time trusting others. And it has deeply affected my intimate relationships and the ways that I live and move in the world and it’s something that I’ve had to work so hard on in my own journey. And I’ve grown and I’ve deepened but it really is literally and figuratively, my Achilles Heel. And the scar that I now have on my own achilles after the injury I had is a constant reminder to me that if there’s one scar that I carry, it’s the wound of trust. And I suppose that’s why I had the second reading from Rumi who says, “Let a teacher wave away the flies and put a plaster on the wound. Don’t turn your head. Keep looking at the bandaged place. That’s where the light enters you.” Keep looking at the wounded place. That’s where the light enters you. Don't keep looking at the wounded place out of a sense of being victimized, but invite the light to enter that place. And I imagine that I am not alone in this room having wounds of trust. I’m sure that in some ways every one of us carries that and so what I’m asking you to do today is just to form this circle where we step in to whatever wounds of trust we carry and let the light enter that place in particular. And as I ruminate with you on what radical trust might mean, I ask that you continue to give me your insights on it and to let whatever work needs to be done in your own life happen. Emily Dickinson says, “We both believe and disbelieve a hundred times an hour which keeps believing nimble.” We both believe and disbelieve a hundred times an hour which keeps believing nimble. And so it is with trust. May our trust always be nimble. Because really any time you trust God or you trust yourself or you trust another person, it's always a moment of grace. I think that if we think about trust for a minute in faith that the recovery movement has a lot to teach us. All the different twelve-step program—from Alcoholics Anonymous to Al-Anon—all the different groups' processes involve trusting. What’s the first step? (Congregation: Keep our house…) and turn our wills over, right? Radical trust. (That’s three. Do the first three steps then.) A process of turning it over, letting go as it were. But that’s only the beginning of the process. It also includes getting a sponsor which gives us an opportunity to trust someone else and thereby to heal the trust issues in our own selves. And again, that’s not the end because the principle of recovery is that whoever is in recovery is supposed to be available to other addicted persons, learning trust by becoming trustworthy. It’s a process. Turning it over; learning to trust another person; and learning to become trustworthy yourself. I think the journey of trust is to go from being controlling about your life (which really stems from fear) to journeying to being creative and creating your life which comes out a sense of responsibility for the gifts that we have been given. But I think when it comes to trust, if I’m gonna talk about what it means to trust God, I can only offer metaphors from my own experience because I think we all have a different experience of what it means to trust God or not. This past week, I spent some time with someone who’s been a friend of
mine for years who has really come up against something in his own spiritual
life and he said to me, "I’m just stuck. Can you help me? Do you
have any insight?” And because I had been with this person over time
and know them and prayed with them and they had known me and prayed with me,
I said, “Are you ready to hear what I feel has finally come about this?” and
he said, “Yes.” And I said, “You’re trying to pray
to God the Father and, because your own father abused you, you can’t
really trust that there is a God whose love does no harm.” And I could
see at that moment, something just opening in him. A love that does no harm.
Sometimes the people who say they love us the most, hurt us the most deeply.
And so it comes to a point where we’re trying to love being, this force,
this essence that we name God or God of Many Names, and we’re trying
to believe in this love and many of us have never had a kind of love that does
no harm. And so we get mixed up and think God loves in that kind of way. But
God has a love that does no harm. I asked Annlee, my partner, a couple of weeks ago, “Do you love me unconditionally?” She said, “Absolutely not.” (I value our honest relationship.) “Because,” she said, “it’s impossible. I can try but I’m human. I’d like to do that but I don’t really know that that’s really possible.” But I do believe that there is unconditional love from the Divine that we can access and know in our bodies even though we each know it very differently. But what does it really mean to trust another person? What does that really mean? I don’t know if you and I could describe it to each other but we can describe how people have betrayed us quite easily. What does it really mean to trust somebody? Does it mean that they will never hurt you? Does it mean that they will never put their own interest before yours? Does it mean that they will always be there for you? Well, I think the deep truth I’ve come to is this: That I can only expect absolute integrity from another person in relationship if I can expect at all times absolute integrity from myself. And since I’ve not reached that state of perfection (I’m really close...) but since I’ve not, I cannot expect that of another person. And so sometimes we put on someone else what is absolutely impossible for them to give us. And then we go away disappointed and betrayed and hurt and wounded when we our own selves have acted like that to others again and again and again. So what does it mean to trust another person? I hope it means that we believe they want our best and our good but even then it might not always be possible to give it. So I’ve really come to this and I ask that you take this in the way that I mean it—and if you don’t understand, ask me later. But I’ve come to this: I’ve made it my mantra, “Trust God; love people.” Trust God; love people. I’ve looked in all the faith traditions and I have not found anywhere, in any Holy Scriptures or texts, where we are asked to put our faith in another person. We’re told to love people; we’re told to help each other carry each other’s burdens. We’re re told to weep with each other when we weep and to laugh when we laugh and to stand in solidarity. But I have never read—and if you have, tell me—I have never read where we are invited to put our faith in another person. But I’ve read over and over again how we are to love each other and to make that our journey. Does that make sense? (Congregation: Yes) I believe that our trust in God will help us grow in trust with one another but I think if we make our focus loving each other, it makes a huge difference. I cannot place my faith in another person and expect them to do for me what sometimes I am not even able to do for myself. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t trustworthy people—there are. And I am here today because of people who believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself; people who loved me and who stood with me no matter what. And still I have been hurt by these people and they have been hurt by me. Do I trust them? Yes at some level I do but I love them deeply. And I trust God in them and God in me. And however you name God, trust God. Love people. You know, somebody said to me this week very intensely, “I just need your help for a minute.” I said, “Alright.” He said, “What do you do?” And I’m like, "What do I do about what?” “How do you handle this?” he said. And I said, “Well, maybe you should tell me what it is and then I can tell you how I might handle it.” He said, “You know, I gave somebody money for a bus ticket. I actually took them to the bus station and bought the ticket with them and they’re back today. What do I do?” I said, “You say, ‘Did you have a pleasant journey?’” (No.) He said, “How do you deal with that?” And I said, “You know when you give something you let it go ‘cause you’re done.” (Right, you’re done.) When you give it, you let it go. I mean that’s hard for me, if I give you something, I want to ask you 35 times, “Do you really love it?” That’s why I stopped giving Christmas presents ‘cause afterwards I just annoy people so much; it’s just better for me not to give them. When you give something, you’re the giver, you let it go. It’s out of your control. And I said, “You know, do you know how many times I’ve been conned in my life?” (I can’t even count.) But you know, for every nine people who might take advantage, there’s one who doesn’t, whose life has been changed because you weren’t cynical enough to say, ‘Oh, you’re probably conning me.’” You give and you let go. And you realize that in the universe of things, things come back around and people are on their journey. I guess that's part of trusting God and simply loving people. Because I love people and you love people, we can give freely. If it was all about trust, I’d probably hang on a little tighter to things. Freely I have received; freely I give. Trust God; love people and perhaps in the end if you really want to talk about radical trust, if you can’t have it right here with yourself, you can never really have it with others. And that’s why First Corinthians was the first reading this morning. I think trust in yourself (and trust in myself) takes a kind of radical self love that we hear a lot of talk about and read a lot of self-help books about, but that hasn’t quite sunken in that we live from that place. If I speak in the tongues or mortals and angels but have not love for myself, I am nothing. If I have the gift of prophecy and can be articulate and can say things but do not love myself I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions to the poor and give my body to martyrdom for a cause but have not love for myself, I gain nothing. If I truly love myself, I am patient with myself, kind to myself. Love for self keeps no records of wrongs but rejoices in truth. If I love myself, I will believe in myself and have endurance. Love never fails. When I was a child, I spoke like a child; I thought like a child, I acted like a child. But now that I am an adult, I put away childish things and have learned that true and abiding love for self is the beginning of the journey of loving God and loving others. There are faith, hope and love in this world. These three but the greatest of these is loving myself. Radical trust. Trust God. Love people. Love yourself. Amen. |
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