Sermon

APA/API Month of Celebrations - Sharing of Stories

May 4, 2003

By Austin Lee

Hi, I’m Austin Lee, and I’m ABC, that is, American Born Chinese. I’m one of six siblings. All six of us were born in Portland, OR, and born into the Catholic Church. I’m number 3 of 6; and the oldest of two boys. I also have two lesbian sisters. All six siblings are in long-term committed relationships. While I’m touching on relationships, I’d like to acknowledge my partner Allan, as we look forward to celebrating our 8th anniversary in 2 weeks.

I have so much to share in this reflection, and have a mere 7 minutes to give you the Cliff Notes highlights. So I’m going to share 3 rapid, rambling, stream of consciousness reflections with you.

#1 - My Personal Asian Experience

Yesterday, Allan & I were at the dry cleaners. We were told that the Chinese shopkeeper’s daughter was away at her usual Saturday Chinese class, learning how to read and write Chinese. In my childhood, I got to opt out of Saturday Chinese class, a decision I now regret. Here’s why my parents let me get away with this. I grew up in Portland where there isn’t a Chinatown like there is here in San Francisco. I grew up in two rather homogeneous neighborhoods that might be considered suburban, and where our family was the only Asian family around for blocks. The Parochial and public schools that I attended told my parents that I should be speaking English at home.

Now as an adult, I can sort of comprehend what people are saying in Chinese, and many tourists speak more Chinese than me. Since childhood, I’ve moved through mostly communities that don’t look anything like me. As a result, I often exist as a person of no particular heritage, that is, I don’t look at the world through Chinese glasses. However, there are many moments in San Francisco that remind me of my heritage. For example: I find myself in a Metro train seeing shoppers returning from Chinatown; or in Chinatown, sightseeing with friends, being acutely reminded that I’d starve if I had to order in Chinese.

Galloping non-sequitor. My younger brother, now a Chinese Baptist Church member, and his wife Mei (that’s M-E-I), are expecting their first child this month, a little girl, they’ll name Lindsey (that’s Lindsey, with an E). Mei hails from the ancestral Lee village in China, and married my brother about a year & a half ago, through a marriage arranged by the Lee family elders. Having my sister-in-law Mei in the family reminds me of just how Americanized I am. So I’m very glad to be starting a new chapter where I’m learning more about my language, the family tree and heritage, and more Chinese traditions and beliefs.

#2 - My Journey as a Person of Faith

My journey starts in Catholicism. We were typically the rare Asians in the churches we attended. I remained a practicing Catholic throughout my undergraduate college years. When I finished undergrad, I started pharmacy school here in San Francisco. I attended the neighborhood Catholic Church, St. John of God. At the time, I was also aware of a special service that was held, called Dignity. I was very curious about Dignity, because I knew or suspected many gays attended this service; however, I never attended a Dignity service. At the same time, I joined a Medical Center student fellowship. It was very bible-based, and prayer-based. I had several prayer buddies, participated in prayer groups, and memorized quite a number of bible verses.

This was a particularly lonely time for me. I was preparing to come out, address my spirituality, and spent many lonely hours sitting by myself in places and spaces such as St. Mary’s Cathedral. I read Merton, I meditated, I even considered entering a religious order. This was an especially tough time for this introvert. Now, let’s fast forward to reflection #3.

#3 - The Intersection of My Sexuality, Spirituality, and Asian Heritage

I still hadn’t come out. I finished pharmacy school, and I moved to Durham, NC for additional clinical training at Duke University Medical Center. Again, being in the South, I suppose you can imagine that once again, there aren’t too many people around that look like me. Immersed and isolated in work, I quickly became a Catholic Church dropout. It was there in NC that I came out, and also realized that I needed to find a new spiritual home. For me, some of the train stops on my journey have been about finding a place, space, and community that I truly feel a part of.

My first trip to the MCC in Raleigh, which held services in borrowed space, left me unfulfilled. I didn’t return. It was years later that I returned to that same MCC Raleigh, only this time, they were in their own building. It was in that MCC where I found a new home, a vibrant community, and joy in gospel music. The place was so diverse that it didn’t really matter any more that I was one of only maybe 2 Asians in the church. It was in that church, in a church pew, almost 8 years ago that I met Allan. It took that MCC community, in the right worship/meeting space to make me feel invited and welcomed. I returned; Allan & I both returned.

A few of the simple lessons I’ve learned so far are these:

1. my ancestry and heritage flavors who I am, somewhat,
2. my spiritual and sexual journey are inexorably intertwined,
3. the myriad kinds of diversity I experience in MCC San Francisco wipe out any isolation I feel as an ABC (that’s American Born Chinese, if you’ve forgotten), and
4. lastly, it’s all about finding and belonging to a community of faith that totally embraces you for who you are.

Amen.