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Sermon
February 15, 2004
by Rev. Dr. G. Penny Nixon
I think one of the things that MCC San Francisco does is bring balance
to the universe because in churches and in other religious institutions
all across America today, they’ll be talking about the gay marriages
happening this weekend in San Francisco, but perhaps not in the same
way that we’ll be talking about it. Certainly we have many people
and churches alike in solidarity with us, but you know that the vast
majority of sermons this morning will mention the demise of the family,
mention the erosion of the foundational institution of marriage and family.
But I want to say that today we are not victims of discrimination any
more, but victors; that we are not second-class citizens but citizens
with full rights in this moment in this city, and that we are part of
social change. And marriage has been a rallying cry, has been in fact,
the nexus of a lot of the debate and the rhetorical arguments that go
on and on about what family means and what love means and who has rights
and who actually is part of the constitution and who is not. Those are
the things that we want to lift up this morning. And to lift up that
marriage and the right of anyone to marriage has vast implications. If
same-sex marriage is ever legal in this country, it’ll make all
kinds of differences for all kinds of people; from multi-national couple
to adoptive parents.
But before I talk about that and talk about this very interesting story
of the golden calf in the desert (‘cause I know you’re thinking, “What
is she going to say about that?”) I want to tell a personal story.
Many of you know that I’ve been away on vacation for a couple
of weeks. And the first week Annlee, my partner of eleven years, and
a couple of friends of ours went to Canada. Do you feel like coming up
for a minute, Annlee? (Annlee joins Penny.) And so, unbeknownst to Annlee,
I thought, “Ok, we’re going to Canada; we’re going
to Whistler; we’re going to ski but we could always get married
at the same time." So I went online and found out that indeed Whistler
Village had Marriage Commissioners and so, with our friends, we actually
ended up getting married on the slopes at Whistler (Applause)….
So, I came back all fired up to say, “And in Canada … (laughter)
but we totally got pre-empted.
Some of our friends, I think, were a bit shocked because we’ve
been a very non-traditional couple in many ways over the years and last
year, when we celebrated our 10th anniversary we exchanged some vows
together that were really lovely. We did this in Canada, yes as an affirmation
of our love, but also as a political statement and it really was an amazing,
amazing moment. And when we went to the municipality in Canada, everyone
was like, “Congratulations. Congratulations.” And it was
almost like we were just waiting for someone to do something or to say
something, and not an eye was batted. And it was just so weird to come
back here and then start hearing all this news in San Francisco.
(Ann Lee) It was a wonderful event and sure enough within days it got
put to the test as we went through U.S. Immigration coming out of Vancouver
and into the U.S. They give you a declaration form, one per household.
We fill out one; we hand it to the man. He says, “What’s
the nature of your relationship?” And simultaneously we say, “We’re
legally married.” (Applause).(Penny) They said, “That won’t
fly here.” So I came back all fired up, but it does fly in San
Francisco.
That evening after the Marriage Commissioner signed the license, I thought, “You
know I am going to frame this and put it on my wall.” And I thought, “In
all the straight homes I’ve been in, I don’t think I’ve
ever seen a marriage license framed and hanging on the wall.” (Laughter)
And not that that would influence my decision... you know I’ll
do what I want anyway, but I’m just saying that for us, it hasn’t
been a privilege we've enjoyed. And I thought, this is not the same but
it is not unlike, an African-American in the Civil Right’s movement
going, "I’m going to drink from that fountain because it’s
the law." It’s not unlike a woman going to vote for the first
time and saying, "I’m going to the polls. You can’t
stop me because it’s the law." And there’s something
so empowering about that. "It’s the law." Even if only
for a few moments here in our great City by the Bay.
So what does this have to do with the golden calf? Nothing... (Laughter)
No, it really doesn’t. This was the text that I had worked on before
all this came about, but as I’ve been thinking about it, it actually
does have something to do with it. The people of Israel, for those of
you that don’t know the story (though I’m sure you’ve
seen the movie) (Laughter), were freed from Egypt and they went through
the Red Sea only to wander in the desert. And after they’re wandering
awhile Moses goes up on the hill to talk to God, this God who had liberated
them. The people are wandering around and they’re getting antsy
and they’re beginning to doubt their liberation and their freedom.
And they’re thinking, “This freedom was supposed to be real
great but you know what? It’s hot out here. I've got sand in my
ears. I haven’t had a good meal in months. And what about this
God? Where is this God?”
And so they say to Aaron who is Moses’ brother, “Let’s
build a god. Let’s build a golden calf.” And so, I don’t
know how they do this in the desert without all the tools they would
need, but they have everyone take off their gold jewelry and they melt
it down and they build this golden calf. Now, why a golden calf? You
know I wondered that for years and you won’t find it in many commentaries
but as I studied the gods and goddesses around the world a few years
ago, I realized that the goddess Hathor is one of the main goddesses
of Egypt and she’s actually an ancient cow deity.
Her picture was everywhere and her head is shaped like a cow’s
head. And she was also the goddess of gold. So I imagine the people all
of a sudden began to image a god more like that than the one that Moses
had led them to and began to reconstruct what was really the god of their
oppression, Egypt, because sometimes that’s what happens.
When we get liberated, or when a people gets liberated, we know that
historically, it is often true that those very same people can then turn
around, in governments especially, and use the same oppressive structures.
And you know what? I think we do that spiritually sometimes and we don’t
even realize it. We recreate the gods of our oppression and then we wonder
why we have all this freedom and liberation but we don’t feel a
lot different internally or why our spirituality doesn’t look different
than it used to.
You know it is not enough to come out as a gay person and say, “I’m
gay and I’m a Christian and it’s ok.” That’s
a good thing, sure. But you know what? When you come out and you’re
ok with who you are and you celebrate who you are, all bets are off.
It means that you start building a different theological system, a different
spirituality that at its center is all about liberation. And if we bring
the god of oppression back into this place ever, then the people should
rise up and say, “No, that is not our god. That is not the God
of liberation for all.”
And so, when I’m thinking about this story of the golden calf
and the people wandering around, what I really thought was this: In all
the joy and the jubilation of this incredible historic moment, I don’t
want us to make an idol out of marriage. Not all same-sex marriages are
sacred. A marriage is only sacred if the people in it treat it, and each
other, as such. That is what makes a marriage sacred. That is what makes
all relationships sacred (or not).
Conservative religion has made an idol out of marriage. They worship
the form of marriage without regard for its essence. Ok, the form, one
man and one woman. That’s what gets worshiped. We all know in this
room that the American household is one of the least safe places to be.
We know about domestic violence; we know about abuse; we know these things.
It is not the form that makes anything sacred but the essence. And while
today we celebrate with our whole selves this human and civil right for
queer people, let us not make an idol out of marriage and recreate any
gods of our oppression in the past.
What we celebrate today is not the institution of marriage, we celebrate
equality and that is a different thing. Yes, marriage can be celebrated
because it is a holy endeavor but it stops being holy if the people in
the marriage stop treating each other with the basic spiritual values
that we hold sacred in this place: integrity and respect and dignity
and honor and truth-telling and faithfulness, however those agreements
are made in your relationships. I don’t want us to make an idol
out of marriage because I want us to remember where we came from. I don’t
want us to put a hierarchy on relationships in saying that marriage is
the ultimate. Marriage is work, ok? (Laughter) It’s a wonderful
terror really. (Laughter again) We don’t want to recreate a hierarchy
that makes anybody in our community less than anyone else.
We celebrate all kinds of relationships in this place. Bill and Fernando
got married. I hope that you saw them on the news, these two sitting
here with the buttons that say “I do.” Well, you know half
the country saw them. It was great. All right. They don’t have
a traditional relationship and they haven’t for years. Fernando
Orlandi argued on the floor of General Conference of the Universal Fellowship
of Metropolitan Community Churches to change the language which describes
Holy Unions, to include "between two or more people." We didn’t
want it to be limited to just two, in case people wanted to constellate
their relationships differently. Fernando argued on the floor of General
Conference saying, “Hello, we’re the gay church. Ok? We need
to find different ways to honor as sacred the ways that people choose
to have kinship with one another.”
Today if you are single (and I don’t even like to use that word)
but if you’re not in a relationship where you’re moving toward
marriage or you’re in a committed partnership however you constellate
that in your own intimacy, and you’re not going to move toward
marriage, great. No hierarchy. Every relationship that we treat with
dignity is sacred and that is what is so important. Let us not recreate
any oppressive systems or gods or hierarchies that make anybody for any
moment less than anybody else. We can rejoice with those who rejoice
and we can support couples in the agreements they make with each other
and we can support the agreements that friends make, the agreements that
households make, the agreements that lovers make together. What is most
important is how we love each other, how we are committed to each other
and how we keep our word with one another. That is what’s important.
That we’ve been recognized legally for this moment is frosting
on the cake. That’s great; that’s equality. But that doesn’t
mean that anybody’s relationship is less than anyone else’s.
And we honor and we uphold and we recognize those couples today and later
they’ll be invited to be consecrated in this sacred space, but
with your blessing.
You know over here sits my friend, Beth of twenty-plus years, and we
made a covenant twenty years ago to always be in each others’ lives,
to always care for each others’ families in sickness and in health ‘til
death do us part. We made that commitment and no, we’re not married.
She is with her partner Fiona and I can say out loud in front of all
of you, “’Til death do us part” and you know what?
Fiona thinks that that’s the greatest thing in the world.” It’s
the sacredness of relationships. When Beth and I have had our hard times,
when we’ve gone our separate ways, it’s that covenant that
has brought us back together again and the values that we hold most dearly.
Relationships are sacred because of what we bring to them.
One of the things that I read that touched me most deeply about this
same-sex marriage issue was the argument and the debate on the floor
of the Massachusetts Senate when Senator
Diane Wilkerson drew upon her
experience as an African-American growing up in Arkansas where the hospital
did not allow her mother to deliver her children. “I know the pain
of being less than equal and I cannot and will not impose that status
on anyone else,” a teary-eyed Wilkerson said. “I could not
in good conscience ever vote to send anyone to that place from which
my family fled.”
You know what, friends? Justice if not shared is justice diminished.
Joy if not shared dies young. You see, Senator Wilkerson took her own
experience of discrimination and being a second-class citizen in this
country and as a straight, African-American woman joined arms in solidarity
with the queer community and said, “You know what? As a public
official and as a person, I will never condone anyone being less than
a full citizen in this democracy of this United States of America.” That
is solidarity.
And if this marriage thing does anything to us besides make us jubilant,
besides affirm legally and socially our unions as equal, then what it
should do is this: it should propel us to join arms with anyone and everyone
who does not have full rights in this country for any reason and to say, “We
want everybody to have this feeling. Like, wow, I actually got recognized
as a full citizen just once.” (Applause)
Let us not ever (I’m speaking to myself here first) take for granted
the privileges that we have. Some of us in this room have a house, have
shelter, have a job, have health, have certain rights and others of us
don’t. And so now, knowing what it is to have a privilege that
we didn’t have, let us extend that spiritually, politically, and
emotionally to other issues with those around us who have less than others
do and who don’t know what it is to have some privileges that others
have.
It’s going to be a fight but let us fight with joy. And when we
communicate who we are, let us never do it in a way that diminishes anyone
else. This is about equality. If you’re gonna build an idol, build
it to Equality. If you’re gonna worship a God, worship a God who
is a God of liberation for all people. And then as Judy Chicago says, “We
will all live in harmony with each other and the earth and everywhere
will be called Eden once again.”
Amen.
First Reading
Exodus 32:1-7
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Second Reading
Untitled poem from "The Dinner Party" by Judy Chicago
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